I absolutely love Beirut, it is a city based on organized chaos that I always felt like I belonged to. But sometimes, and in many ways, it just makes me want to rip my arm off and start hitting people and things. Here are 10 things that push my buttons:
1- Service cab drivers
Now I’m not underestimating their line of work at all, and I do understand the emotional and physical stress they undergo everyday. But why does it have to reflect in the way they drive? You really don’t need to cut through, run a red light or stop suddenly in the middle of the road. All those mini heart attacks I go through are starting to really get to me. And no, putting your arm out does not signal your turn, but putting your whole head out and yelling might be.
2- Van #4 drivers
You’d think I’m repeating myself by mentioning both the service and van drivers. But I beg to differ. Van drivers are like service drivers on crack! They literally have no fear for themselves, for their riders nor for the pedestrians. They drive as if they have nothing to lose. Cutting traffic and accelerating, then suddenly stopping are all part of the deal you need to accept when sharing the road with vans. Van drivers stare at death in the eyes and say “I f*cking dare you!”
3- Cars with tinted windows & special honks
We get it! You have a small dick, or you’re completely consumed by the feeling of inferiority and the fear of not being respected for who you are as a person. And I get it, we all have our issues, but trust me, tinting your windows and pretending like your car horn sound is much more important than mine just makes you look like an asshole…. which you most probably are. I bet your girlfriend is so unhappy with you, but she sticks around cause you threaten her, or you just buy her something shiny.
4- People looking down at their phones in the car
A red light is not a good time to check your phone, nor when you’re in the car altogether. You can’t fear boredom THAT much so you reach for your phone every single second of that car ride. Stuck in traffic? Put the radio up, sing along. Call your friends on bluetooth or put them on speaker. Don’t look down at your phone. That joke your friend sent is probably NOT that funny, and that instagram post can wait to be checked later, the whole algorithm is made so you don’t miss what’s relevant to you. Driving behind someone checking their phone is like walking behind a slow walker… dreadful!
5- People who cut the line
Yes, your time is much more precious than mine. And by cutting the line, you have proved how important you are as a person and how futile it is for you to walk among peasants. You bend the rules the way you see fit and walk to the rhythm of your own drums, you are so smart for finding a way to get your shit done before everybody else. You are the hero that I aspire to become, the Don of all Juans, the Marie of all Antoinettes. Teach me your ways!
Please don’t take this seriously. Knowing what kind of person you are, I feel like I need to clarify my tone. FYI, it’s called irony!
6- Banks & bank tellers
Dear tellers, please pretend like you give a crap about your job. I know it’s not your fault. It’s a soul sucking industry, and I bet you didn’t even receive proper training or continuous incentive to give your 100%. But I seriously get PTSD every time I need to deal with a bank issue, whether it’s over the phone or in person. I am definitely generalizing, I’m sure some of you are real hard workers and amazing customer service reps, but all the experiences I’ve had so far have made me want to legit rip my arm off and throw everything off your desks. I say this with a lot of love.
Your hypocrisy is staggering. How do you sleep at night? I’ll never know. The things you say are so ridiculous, a mentally stable person will never make sense of it. And the fact that you think people still support you in any way is proof that you are so disconnected from the real world, you’re technically considered insane. And next time somebody tells me that I need experience for a job, I’ll point my finger to you.
8- People who throw garbage out of their car windows
I can’t believe this still exists. I can’t believe this point still made it in a list… But it did, and I have to watch people throw dirty tissues or candy wrappers out their windows, and having to drive off without flipping them off. And to them, I can honestly say, your mama didn’t raise you right. I don’t care if you’re a saint, or donate millions to charity, if you don’t know what basic human decency is, then you are not a good enough person. And I seriously worry if my kid marries into a throw-garbage-from-the-car-window family. God forbid!
9- Valet parking clerks
NO! Heeeeyll no! Just stop! Stop banging my car in the middle of the road to ask me if I want to park, stop throwing yourselves at every passerby, stop reserving parking spots under the excuse of your job and stop blocking the road because some wannabe can’t walk 2 extra steps to reach his/her car. I know it’s your job, but this has become way too overwhelming and borderline harassing. Unless your location is well defined or the shops that asked for your services are dealing with you directly, just empty the streets and let us drive and park our own damn cars in peace!
10- Slow internet
Nuff’ said. You can try, but you wouldn’t find anything else that makes you actually cry tears of desperation, especially when you have a slightly large file to upload or download, and an approaching deadline. You can use all the fiber optic and 4G in the country, it still wouldn’t make your online life any easier.
What are things that make you want to rip your arm off? I’d love to hear about your lists!