Remember that one “embarrassing” thing you did 12 years ago? The thing you cringe at every time you remember it, and wish to disappear from the face of the earth into the everlasting limbo vortex of space? Yea well, you need to get over it, nobody is thinking about it anymore, neither should you! Or at least, laugh if off and shrug it so you have the mind space to slay in life.
1- Your card gets declined
Trust me, I’ve had my share of declined transactions, I can write a book about it. But let’s not make it such a big deal – if you see a friend struggling to pay with the 3rd card in their wallet, offer to pay their share and ask to be reimbursed when possible. Shit happens, payments get delayed and bills come unexpected, don’t make it worse.
2- Underarm sweat
Unless you’re some kind of magical creature that has gumdrops instead of sweat glands, you will sweat under your arms and it will show. No matter how well you think you’re hiding it by barely raising your arms or gluing your arms to your sides, them patches will show. So don’t let anyone make you feel bad about it, cause some idiot thinks it’s funny if your body reacts in a healthy way. Just make sure you shower later.
3- You snort when you laugh
If you have never snorted when you laughed, then you never laughed hard enough. Laugh out loud and ignore those side eyes you get hit with, they probably don’t know what fun is if it punched them in the face.
4- You watch kids show
If anybody makes you feel bad for watching a kid’s show, stop talking to that person, you don’t need that kind of negativity in your life. And if you tell me you haven’t indulged in some Disney magic every now and then, I declare you dead inside.
5- Wardrobe malfunction
Your fly is open? Butt crack showed when you bent over? Nip slip? Just fix it and move on. Body parts are not a laughable matter and are nothing to be ashamed of. You would be lucky if I nip slip so fabulously in front of you.
6- You wear knockoff brands
Oh well excusez-moi for not being able to afford a 100$ keychain, or a 1,200$ pair of heels, or an 800$ bag. Let me wear my 30$ Adibas tracksuit in peace, so I don’t tear my hair off in case I spill wine on it – which will happen for suuure!
7- Period Stain
Bouhou, women leak during periods, sometimes more than they hope – so freakin’ what? It’s already super uncomfortable, the last thing we want is to feel judged about it. So unless you have an extra pad or tampon, walk away.
8- You tell a joke and nobody hears you
Or worse, they hear you and they don’t laugh… which happens way more than I hope for. Even the biggest comedians in the world have flop jokes, so shrug it off, take note of it and maybe try it with another crowd? I hear dads are big fans of lame jokes.
9- Greeting gone rogue
This one comes in many forms, such as the “is it a hug or a handshake moment”, I said bye but the other person is walking in the same direction, or I thought somebody waved at me so I waved back. Point out the awkwardness, laugh it off and let’s make the Wakanda salute happen – it’s a perfect greeting, no touchy and there’s just one variation of it – we can’t go wrong.
10- Being you
Never apologize or feel embarrassed for being you. You like all that geeky stuff? Like it out loud. You cosplay over the week end? YAS! You want to become the next insta model? Give it a go. You’re an introvert that only speaks to squirrels? Chip chip chooray! You are a unique being who is beautiful in your own way, celebrate it.